perhaps it stems from a lack of control..

i only want to change the world; make it better. is that so much? how much of myself will i be required to silence just to "succeed" amongst the rotten masses of humanity? the world in its present state sickens me. i feel a strange mixture of pity, hatred, disgust, & hopelessness. i hate this life.

WELL!

so. it's been a while. & you have not been caught up. here goes it:

• sean's still in the ol' A-Z. i miss him dearly. we may in fact be soul-mates. of the romantic sort.
• i have moved to the floral department, of which i am now the manager. the jury's still out on my feelings about it.
• i know like 4 line dances, because i've been going out to rhythms with mom & her peeps.
• i've been paying all my bills in full & on time, which is exciting. no credit cards or the debt which inevitably comes with them.
• i still haven't unpacked or gone through all my boxes. or taken out the recycling.. = /
• i like to collage. apparently it's like pretty uncool, but what should i care?
• speaking of caring, i have to an extent become an existentialist. or perhaps a nihilist. jury's still out on that too. it happens.
• sister wives is the best show ever. well.. it's right under 70s show, which is, by definition "the best show ever."
• i need to go to college. this statement has become the most frequent item on all of my to-do lists, of which there are an innumerable number.
• i've lost more weight, which by default means i have also lost quite a lot of T&A. this quite depresses me. i have realized, however, that the problems i thought i had with my weight truly stem from a negative self-image which has nothing whatsoever to do with weight. i do still often consider food an enemy. or at least a great inconvenience.
• i'm eating lasagna. :)

arizona rain.

          to
          see
          hard
        big drops
   come down fast
 probably won't last
     long. i would like
       arizona rain.