so things are happening.

like i stepped down. yes, yes, i did. right now nothing is certain except that. milly told me she wants me in bakery, so i applied for a PT20 over there. hopefully i get it. she'd be great to work under, i have a feeling. plus, if i'm getting like 30 hours, i probably won't bother getting another job, since i'll be living at home. well, presumably. joey asked me today if i might want to live with him and his girl, since they're in a house. but that's worrisome. plus, he's very nice, cute, and sweet, so i have a feeling i might end up with a crush. which would obviously be bad. so that's not likely to happen at all. kristin is still a possibility, but not super likely either. probably i'll just end up at home like i thought. it'd be kinda nice to be with the girls again anyway, i guess.. well, kinda. i mean of course it'll probably blow at first, since i'm so used to being alone. but, eh. once i save some money, maybe i can get back out on my own again soon. we'll see. totally unrelated side note: i am so fucking tired of these glasses. it's been 2 years, and i can tell i need a new scrip. i'd like to switch back to contacts, but i'm worried about the price. plus, i might lose my insurance, at which point it will be way more expensive. but i don't really have money right now to spend on contacts, even if insurance covers some of it. i'll just have to go in and get it done, and then pay with my PWA or HSA or whatever the fuck. i should do that this month, before anything happens with my insurance. but probably after my trip. which kinda sucks, but.. oh well. they haven't seen me in these glasses really, anyway, so it's not really a big deal. i'm so excited. but i'm feeling so many other emotions too. so much is going on. i feel like i'm always saying that. will there eternally be so much going on? lol found out EC mike has a 6-month-old baby he just found out about recently. it's a possibility he could move back down to florida to be near the kid. so that could fall through before it even starts. or, it could become something. who knows? lol like i said before, though, i am a fucking mess and in no place for a man. speaking of, brendan is apparently dating some fucking virgin named jenny. he told me he thought i already knew, but i don't remember hearing about it. i blamed selective memory. that ass. i also found out sean had sex with some random girl from beta. fucking a, am i the only one in the world who isn't getting laid? not that i really want to anyway, unless it's with brendan. & how pathetic is that? ugh, i really need to let that fucker go. i can't believe how attached and crazy i got this time he came back. and then we weren't talking ish for a while, and then i felt him weaseling his way back in. i knew it was happening, and let it anyway. big mistake. i just hate having so much feeling for him and not getting it back. maybe just because i'm used to getting it back from him. but now, it's just gone. sucks. i really want to fucking write a song. actually several. it's extremely frustrating not to be able to find the words. or hear melodies. there's just so much i'd like to do and i feel like i can't really do any of it. god damn. this life. i guess that's all i have for now. adios, muchacho.