i miss my love.

i miss coming home to him, waking up with him, hanging out with him.. i need a hug from him. & a kiss. or several. i need him to listen to me, & i want to listen to him. i wish we could watch some seinfeld or arrested development or curb your enthusiasm like we used to. i wish he was close enough to come pick me up & take me home. or even just to scoop me up into a proper embrace. i feel like all my other hugs aren't real. everyone wants to be loving me right now, when all i want is some of his. not that i'm complaining, i suppose, and everyone's been so wonderful & supportive. but it isn't the same.. they can't make everything disappear like he does..

i don't feel home now.. i feel like a guest. like a visitor. in my parents' house. which is slightly distressing.. i feel home with him. i think anywhere we are, as long as we're together, i'd feel more at home than i do now. even than i will when i'm alone in my own apartment.. maybe that's why we jumped so quickly. he just makes me feel.. real. like a normal person. like.. like maybe i'm kind of normal after all. maybe i'm not really super out-there and unavailable and undatable. like that song "you get me" by michelle branch. he just.. doesn't think i'm crazy and losing my mind & he loves me anyway.

i had a headache the entire day. my whole 8.5-hour shift, and a couple hours before, an eternal headache. i had a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day, & then i got home, took off my makeup, answered his phone call, and my headache was magically gone. my day was magically not so bad after all.. & that is the reason he's necessary. little stuff like that. i can't sleep anymore, without him, even on the ambien. even with 2 ambien! i'm so stressed out and headache-ridden and so.. pained. with him gone i just can't even function correctly.. *sigh* i just need my boy back..