if ever I have seen a downward spiral..

I am in the midst of another. I just don't know what to do about any of this nonsense. We haven't spoken in almost 4 days. I feel pathetic just saying that. But I know he won't because he thinks he's doing me a favor. He isn't. I just can't entangle myself so much in this unreality. I've given too much already, & I'm starting to worry that I'll lose it all. He's the only man in my life I've ever trusted so fully, & maybe that was a mistake. Which I should've known anyway, given my track record. It's still difficult to believe he could've lied. I'm sure it wasn't a lie, just a change of heart, like with Sean. Is this all there is? Falling in love & then being told their mind has changed, feelings are different? Is that all love is? Just a fleeting sunrise, only to disapparate into nothing again? I'm just so confused. But how can I broach the subject again? It's been talked to death. & still nothing makes any sense. What am I to do, just sit & wait? I can't stand all this damn waiting. Sure, it'll probably make me stronger or some bullshit like that, but fuck if I care. This is just classic human bullshit. Fuck. Sometimes I hate being alive.