my thoughts on wonderland.

begin at the beginning & go on until you come to the end, then stop.

Friday, January 6, 2012

i still hate being alive.

most of the time. i'm going to try listing.

what am i upset about?

  • i'm not doing a good enough job at work
    • how so?
      • i did a shit job with incentives
        • how so?
          • nothing was clearly set up in the beginning and then stuck to.
          • we didn't do power hours like we were supposed to.
          • there wasn't enough communication about it, with TMs, etc.
          • now i'm falling behind because some things fell through.
        • what can be done?
          • learn for next year.
          • still to do:
            • plan party for Sharks (talk to Aria about scheduling, Laura(?) about the how-to's?)
            • order t-shirts (get design, get sizes, get pricing)
            • get GCs for best TMs with leftover budget
      • i'm no better at dealing with down time
        • what can be done?
          • pay attention
          • make a list of "to be done in down time" things?
          • talk to everyone about things they need done
      • i'm so not prepared for whole planet
        • what can be done?
          • think ideas for events
          • meet with FJ, Aria, Dani, Jenilee
          • be prepared for power hours, events, etc.
          • take damn good fuckin notes.
      • i can't think of any ways to help the team with the logbook
        • utilizing the board for logbook questions?
          • every time something new is posted in the book, write a question or note about it on the board
        • asking every TM when they come down if they have checked, to get them into the habit of every day checking.
        • daily questions every time new things are posted
        • let sups know about new things, so they can answer questions and also make sure TMs are reading
      • the team isn't involved enough in LPI
        • what can be done?
          • note on the board LPI topic of the month, random facts, last audit score, etc
          • keep clear holder on 6/7 with monthly LPI note, highlighting important stuff
          • create daily questions when we have new info
      • i'm being too much of a friend, not enough of a leader
        • what can be done?
          • no asking for rides.
          • hold everyone accountable
          • be more serious.
      • they want me to be ready to advance in a year
        • so what?
          • i don't know if i even want to advance at all, especially in only a year's time!
          • i only wanted to get my hours in so i could volunteer with whole planet
            • do i still even want to do that?
              • i don't know. i want to help people, right?
              • it will help me gain perspective
              • it will be TRULY meaningful work
              • i'll leave the country, get away for a while, change of scenery, change of habits, change of everything
              • yes, i need to do it. but can i?
      • i don't even know how long i want to stay in grocery
        • what can be done?
          • nothing but waiting, thinking and deciding
      • i don't even know what i want to do with my life!
        • what can be done?
          • nothing but waiting, thinking and deciding
  • i am no closer to a license or a car
    • what can be done?
      • read the manual
      • take the test, get a permit
      • get someone to teach me how
      • get a license
      • save some fucking money
      • buy a car
      • get started!
  • i'm not going to school this semester
    • what can be done?
      • nothing now. apply again next semester.
      • make sure i'm ready to go when the time comes around again
      • stop worrying about it for now.
  • i have more addictions now than i did a few months ago
    • what can be done?
      • am i really ready to give them up?
      • if so, get on it. if not, stop worrying about it for now.
  • i look absolutely wretched
    • what can be done?
      • new acne medication? check.
      • nothing else. i'm stuck with my face for the rest of my life, so i can stop worrying about it.
  • i'm paying too much for my apartment
    • what can be done?
      • nothing until June when i move out!
      • stop worrying about it for now.
  • i still have no pets
    • what can be done?
      • nothing until June when i move out!
      • stop worrying about it for now.
  • i still have trouble eating properly
    • what can be done?
      • all i can do is try, which i am
      • stop worrying and start eating.
okay, that did help maybe a little. just to organize, to help think clearly. i'm still upset. but i guess i know what i have to do. right?

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