how can you pull yourself out of a funk

when the funk is keeping you down? like.. i feel like i don't exist, like i'm not real, not present.. like i'm looking through everything and not seeing any of it. my moods seem to be quite cyclical.. fine, good, fine, shit, gone, depressed, PMSing, MCing, PMSing, depressed, gone, shit, fine, begin again. lord mercy. sometimes i wonder if cutting would actually help. but i don't need to hear any arguments against it, friend; i know it's wrong. but sometimes i think maybe it'd help to have something else to focus on. HA! did i just say that? i have way too much to focus on without having to worry about all the anxiety that comes with that little habit. i also sometimes wish i could just be institutionalized. i wouldn't have to worry so much, presumably. except about offing myself or getting caught cutting or starving or something. how can one be such a functional crazy person as i? am i really functional? actually most of the time i feel very dysfunctional. so obviously the answer is that one can't be a functional crazy person like me, because i am not functioning properly. i wonder if it's a physical problem, or just psychological. can a psychological problem cause a physical problem? over the years of starving myself, convincing myself i wasn't hungry.. could that have changed my body? made it so that it really isn't hungry very often? did i somehow create neurological connections between cutting and relief? or smoking and relief, for that matter? or stress with food? & how can you change your opinion of yourself when it feels too much like fact and not opinion? i mean, aren't i the one who knows me best? probably most people who think they know me would say no. but how can anybody ever be sure of anything? or, i suppose a better question is how can everyone accept that they can never be sure of anything? how do all these people deal with the fact that they have no fucking clue about anything? reality isn't real. people lie. see what they want to see. don't they all know that? is this where religion becomes useful? to convince you that you matter? that you're important to someone or -thing that doesn't actually exist? i mean, geez, do i have to make up a fucking higher power just to escape the nonreality of life? what an interesting thought.. creating more unreality to deal with the pre-existing unreality. but how can it even exist if it's not real? language is just as unreal. it's intangible, made up by people nobody knows.. i make up language all the time. it can be manipulated. unlike time. time feels like the only true reality there is, and IT isn't real EITHER! it can't be. also intangible. just a device invented as a way to keep track of its own passing, i would assume. so how can they walk around every day, knowing nothing is real, knowing nothing matters, and still give a shit about anything? maybe that's another reason i give myself to smoke. both. to pass nonexistent time, to stop thoughts about unreality, to distract myself from the life at hand. *sigh* the life at hand. i've gotta do something.