i had a horrible recurring nightmare last night.

& i woke up very frightened & worried & i was out of it & destroyed & spooked all day long. i don't remember all of it, but.. i know i've had it before. & i checked out dreammoods & read about it some too.. it makes sense. but as i told the boy, i do enjoy my horoscopes & such so maybe i'm just creating my own worries.. my interpretation may be skewed.. anyway...
so i remember being on some kind of train or something, on the way to the airport, with some scary man who had kidnapped me. he was making me go somewhere with him. i don't know where or why or even who he was, just that i kept trying to lose him & i kept failing miserably. i tried to escape on the train, & he just found me. & all i remember is this horrible feeling i had. like.. i felt trapped &.. i can't even describe it. i felt like a living, breathing anxiety attack. anyway.. so i remember the train stopping & us getting off, & obviously he couldn't like be super obvious about having kidnapped me, so he couldn't like me dragging me or anything...
anyway so once we get off the train i start BOOKing it up this steep fucking hill, to the airport, trying to get away from this motherfucker, & he's just hauling ass after me & i can't seem to get away. it's like every second i look back & he's closer & closer & i can't go any faster but i feel like i should be able to but i can't & i just have all this damn luggage on me & it won't let me move quicker & i'm out of breath & dying & i just need to get away!!! anyway so he kinda half-caught me a couple times, but somehow i managed to get into the airport like a second or two ahead of him & i'm like bawling with wide eyes & i'm like a bunny dying of fright & nobody notices me at all, they just keep going about their airport business like nothing's happening, like this horrible man isn't chasing me & trying to steal me away somewhere & so then i think i tried to get to the desk to tell the people but he caught me or something & made me sit down just with that horrible scary look. so then i do of course, shaking from scaredness & he goes to talk to some guy about checking our bags. so i'm like, well maybe if i don't check them then i can sneak on another plane or something, i dunno, i just feel like letting them check my bags will totally be the end of all hope i have of escaping. so i'm very fucking protective of my shit. so anyway, the baggage guy comes over & mentions checking them & tries to take them from me & i'm like no, please, you have to help me, that man has kidnapped me & he's trying to take me somewhere & i just don't wanna check my bags, i'll just carry them on, & all this stuff i tell him, & he pretty much took it in nonchalantly & like oh, really? & blah, blah & i'm pretty sure then he was like hitting on me & then the kidnapper man finally came over & all it took was one look & then the baggage guy like ditched out fierce & then kidnapper man like grabbed my arm or something like really hard & this is when i started to wake up ish & be in & out of sleep & trying to get away & i just remember the whole dream all i kept trying to do was get away from him & for some reason i could not leave my stuff so i had to carry it with me. anyway i know there was more, but that's all i can remember right now..
so. i went on dream moods & looked up lotsa stuff. & what i have found is:
being chased (as well as running) says that i'm trying to avoid an issue. likely the fact that i didn't know who was chasing me signifies that what i'm avoiding is an aspect (or aspects) of myself. the inability to make my feet move fast enough represents low self-esteem & self-confidence. since the man is always gaining on me & i can't seem to escape, it is suggested that my problem is not going to go away; this being further illustrated in the fact that this has been a recurring nightmare, which means my subconscious is trying REALLY hard to get me to notice this problem. the kidnapping suggests that i'm feeling trapped or restricted, as if someone or something is diverting my attention from my goals or keeping me from moving forward; this is further illustrated in the literal luggage that i'm carrying with me. i am figuratively carrying around a lot of "baggage" which i am unable to or refuse to let go of. it continuously weighs me down & keeps me from moving forward, particularly at the right speed, but still i hang onto it. a busy airport is representative of a new chapter of life, in a way. it indicates a desire for freedom, ambition, & hope. the fact that i'm scared & reluctant to leave says to me that i don't feel ready to take the flight, & the kidnapping tells me that the change is so necessary that i'm finally just being forced into it by circumstances, since i'm so unwilling to do it on my own.
after summarizing in my head, i feel that my anger & fear may have been misplaced. i'm holding mySELF back, not the scary man. in fact, in a way he's urging me forward. i'm ready to start a new chapter in my life, but i can't seem to take the first step. all of my worry & stress & "baggage" is holding me back, as is my low self-esteem & lack of self-confidence. along with repressed emotions which need to see the light. also, i know i'm not living up to my potential, & i do not like that feeling. it's causing anxiety & depression all its own, on top of the already visible.. *sigh* i'm too tired to analyze this further. i'm going to try to sleep withOUT having terrible dreams. bonne nuit.